Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Going to the dentist
The dentist visit always cracks me up.
First, there's a minimum 45 minute wait in the waiting room--I don't think it matters how busy they are...they always give you 45 minutes of crappy magazine reading time to pump up for THE BIG MEETING* (explanation to follow).
I finally get called in and get taken into one of the back rooms...there are always crazy pictures on the dentist's wall. At the office in Princeton, there's a 1966 framed BATMAN poster, with drawings of Adam West and the rest of the crew (P.S. Adam West is older than I thought...he's over 70...props for being so hilarious on Family Guy).
So, the hygenist comes in and does the cleaning thing. I'm bleeding onto my bib and am always shocked when I rinse to see the blood. 'Don't worry about the blood, honey, that's normal.' Yes, I know, I've been to the dentist before...it's still a little disconcerting when you don't feel any pain...
10 MINUTES TO THE BIG MEETING
They clean me with that awful tasting green toothpaste. Now there are green and red splotches on my bib, a combination of blood and toothpaste. Some of the blood is at the bottom of my bib. How did that happen? Is blood flying out of my mouth somehow without me noticing? I don't understand...
5 MINUTES TO THE BIG MEETING
The hygenist cleans me up and offers me a toothbrush. Hooray! A free toothbrush! Man, I should go to the dentist every day. She tells me THE DENTIST WILL BE IN SHORTLY.
2 MINUTES TO THE BIG MEETING
I'm so nervous. Please, please don't let me have any cavities. Or worse. My gums were bleeding too much, I know it. I think back to when I last flossed...four years ago. That can't be good. Do I brush long enough? Some days I rush it. Fuck, why did I rush it? My teeth are falling out. Why is my gum sore all of the sudden? I have gum disease, I know it. I'm gonna need oral surgery.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, HERE HE IS, THE STAR OF THE SHOW...DR. GOLD/SCHWARTZ/LEVINE/WANG/SINGH!
(Tonight Show introduction music)
'Thank you, thank you, I'm Dr. Levine!'
[Applause]
I'm always a little awkward around THE DENTIST. It's like this guy's a celebrity. He comes in at the end, like the owner of a large restuarant, to pay his respects. I always feel humbled in his presence. OH MY GOD IT'S THE DENTIST! I always shake his hand. 'YES! I'm never washing this hand again!'
The dentist is typically very friendly and ALWAYS calls you by your first name. HE KNOWS ME! The DENTIST! Wow...he only sees me twice a year! Man, I'm telling all my friends.
He opens my mouth, looks for 10 seconds, pokes around a bit, and says, "you're fine!" He leaves.
I'm overjoyed. It's rare in life that you get straightforward, no strings attached good news. Now, it's not like I learned anything from this visit. I left with no more specific knowledge about my teeth than I came in with. But I'm still so happy. I don't even want the dentist to look, I think...it's a bit of a paradox. I certainly want him to catch anything that might turn into a big problem down the road...but at the same time, I'm very glad to shut my mouth after his 10 seconds of poking around and to agree with his quick diagnosis that I'm fine. That's OK, Doc...you don't have to double-check. You said I'm OK. No backsies.
First, there's a minimum 45 minute wait in the waiting room--I don't think it matters how busy they are...they always give you 45 minutes of crappy magazine reading time to pump up for THE BIG MEETING* (explanation to follow).
I finally get called in and get taken into one of the back rooms...there are always crazy pictures on the dentist's wall. At the office in Princeton, there's a 1966 framed BATMAN poster, with drawings of Adam West and the rest of the crew (P.S. Adam West is older than I thought...he's over 70...props for being so hilarious on Family Guy).
So, the hygenist comes in and does the cleaning thing. I'm bleeding onto my bib and am always shocked when I rinse to see the blood. 'Don't worry about the blood, honey, that's normal.' Yes, I know, I've been to the dentist before...it's still a little disconcerting when you don't feel any pain...
10 MINUTES TO THE BIG MEETING
They clean me with that awful tasting green toothpaste. Now there are green and red splotches on my bib, a combination of blood and toothpaste. Some of the blood is at the bottom of my bib. How did that happen? Is blood flying out of my mouth somehow without me noticing? I don't understand...
5 MINUTES TO THE BIG MEETING
The hygenist cleans me up and offers me a toothbrush. Hooray! A free toothbrush! Man, I should go to the dentist every day. She tells me THE DENTIST WILL BE IN SHORTLY.
2 MINUTES TO THE BIG MEETING
I'm so nervous. Please, please don't let me have any cavities. Or worse. My gums were bleeding too much, I know it. I think back to when I last flossed...four years ago. That can't be good. Do I brush long enough? Some days I rush it. Fuck, why did I rush it? My teeth are falling out. Why is my gum sore all of the sudden? I have gum disease, I know it. I'm gonna need oral surgery.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, HERE HE IS, THE STAR OF THE SHOW...DR. GOLD/SCHWARTZ/LEVINE/WANG/SINGH!
(Tonight Show introduction music)
'Thank you, thank you, I'm Dr. Levine!'
[Applause]
I'm always a little awkward around THE DENTIST. It's like this guy's a celebrity. He comes in at the end, like the owner of a large restuarant, to pay his respects. I always feel humbled in his presence. OH MY GOD IT'S THE DENTIST! I always shake his hand. 'YES! I'm never washing this hand again!'
The dentist is typically very friendly and ALWAYS calls you by your first name. HE KNOWS ME! The DENTIST! Wow...he only sees me twice a year! Man, I'm telling all my friends.
He opens my mouth, looks for 10 seconds, pokes around a bit, and says, "you're fine!" He leaves.
I'm overjoyed. It's rare in life that you get straightforward, no strings attached good news. Now, it's not like I learned anything from this visit. I left with no more specific knowledge about my teeth than I came in with. But I'm still so happy. I don't even want the dentist to look, I think...it's a bit of a paradox. I certainly want him to catch anything that might turn into a big problem down the road...but at the same time, I'm very glad to shut my mouth after his 10 seconds of poking around and to agree with his quick diagnosis that I'm fine. That's OK, Doc...you don't have to double-check. You said I'm OK. No backsies.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
At long last, a solution
So, I'd say most people think I'm fairly cynical and a misanthrope, and I guess I am. However, I've only chosen to act this way because it neatly fits the way I think. Sometimes I think I simply have high expectations of people that are not met and other times I think I'm too harsh on most human beings and should give them more of a chance.
I've struggled with this before, and honestly, I don't want to hate most people. I like having friends. Lots of them. I talk to my friends quite often and do things with them. They are fun to have around.
But only about 1 in 15 people can meet my basic qualifications for "reasonable, interesting person." And I've finally realized why.
I am perfect. My friends are simply the closest thing to perfection that's around. So, congrats, friends. You all should be proud of youselves. Winning my friendship, I'd say, is about as hard as applying and getting into the combination of Harvard grad, Yale law and Harvard med, all before the age of 26.
The rest of you all just suck, as people. That's the answer. You all suck.
I've struggled with this before, and honestly, I don't want to hate most people. I like having friends. Lots of them. I talk to my friends quite often and do things with them. They are fun to have around.
But only about 1 in 15 people can meet my basic qualifications for "reasonable, interesting person." And I've finally realized why.
I am perfect. My friends are simply the closest thing to perfection that's around. So, congrats, friends. You all should be proud of youselves. Winning my friendship, I'd say, is about as hard as applying and getting into the combination of Harvard grad, Yale law and Harvard med, all before the age of 26.
The rest of you all just suck, as people. That's the answer. You all suck.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Too much little girl tolerance these days!
I was getting my haircut today and I happened to sit next to a very cute eight-year old girl. She was very talkative and energetic, speaking to her hairdresser and her mom. Amused, I began eavesdropping on her conversations (I must admit, I'm not a big talker during haircuts unless I'm at a barber shop, in which case social conditions dictate that you have a conversation).
To my amusement, this girl was the WORST storyteller I've heard in quite some time. She would continuously start a story and, within seconds, the story would go nowhere.
"My mom...she goes to the bathroom every morning, and she brushes her teeth and takes a shower and wets her hair...[End of story]."
"There's this boy, his name is Billy, he's in my class, and he hates green, and he...[voice trails off, end of story]."
This happened, literally, eight times. Some of the stories were 5 or 6 sentences long, but none had a moral, punchline or resolution of any kind. While at first bemused, I eventually got annoyed. Not really at the stories, per se, but at the fact that the hairdresser and mother were laughing along. Now this girl, who will likely grow up very attractive, will not learn that her storytelling ability sucks. I started thinking that someone should slap a little sense into her, so that she could learn what an important skill storytelling is as an adult. There's nothing worse than a person who thinks he is a good storyteller but actually sucks. A bad story saps the life out of a conversation, no matter how many people are involved. By the end of my haircut, I wanted to punch the little girl in the face. Nothing says "you suck" like a firm strike to the punim. She'd always remember that moment in the hairdresser, when she learned the importance of good storytelling. To ensure that this moment became instilled in her memory, I also would have yelled, "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, BITCH!" after striking her forcefully. I wouldn't take the chance that she'd forget our chance meeting and my lifesaving advice.
I'm watching the "trial" runs for the men's downhill event...this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Each competitor is trying to time his run so that he finishes as close to "average" as possible. So, Bode Miller keeps going into a full slowdown before crossing the finish so that he can time when he crosses the line to put himself in 15th position (out of 30) for tomorrow.
Why not just have the person who finishes first CHOOSE when he'd like to ski tomorrow? Would that be so difficult? Or does the Olympic Community think the public wants to see the "slowdown techniques" of all the greatest skiers in the world? Mitt Romney, I wish you were still in charge. You're dreamy.
To my amusement, this girl was the WORST storyteller I've heard in quite some time. She would continuously start a story and, within seconds, the story would go nowhere.
"My mom...she goes to the bathroom every morning, and she brushes her teeth and takes a shower and wets her hair...[End of story]."
"There's this boy, his name is Billy, he's in my class, and he hates green, and he...[voice trails off, end of story]."
This happened, literally, eight times. Some of the stories were 5 or 6 sentences long, but none had a moral, punchline or resolution of any kind. While at first bemused, I eventually got annoyed. Not really at the stories, per se, but at the fact that the hairdresser and mother were laughing along. Now this girl, who will likely grow up very attractive, will not learn that her storytelling ability sucks. I started thinking that someone should slap a little sense into her, so that she could learn what an important skill storytelling is as an adult. There's nothing worse than a person who thinks he is a good storyteller but actually sucks. A bad story saps the life out of a conversation, no matter how many people are involved. By the end of my haircut, I wanted to punch the little girl in the face. Nothing says "you suck" like a firm strike to the punim. She'd always remember that moment in the hairdresser, when she learned the importance of good storytelling. To ensure that this moment became instilled in her memory, I also would have yelled, "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, BITCH!" after striking her forcefully. I wouldn't take the chance that she'd forget our chance meeting and my lifesaving advice.
I'm watching the "trial" runs for the men's downhill event...this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Each competitor is trying to time his run so that he finishes as close to "average" as possible. So, Bode Miller keeps going into a full slowdown before crossing the finish so that he can time when he crosses the line to put himself in 15th position (out of 30) for tomorrow.
Why not just have the person who finishes first CHOOSE when he'd like to ski tomorrow? Would that be so difficult? Or does the Olympic Community think the public wants to see the "slowdown techniques" of all the greatest skiers in the world? Mitt Romney, I wish you were still in charge. You're dreamy.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Wow, this is a great day
1) BEAUTY AND THE GEEK IS BACK ON! The last season of this was, honestly, the best reality show I've ever seen. Richard, the show's main character, was the funniest person I've seen on TV, real or scripted, in 10 years. He is the next comic genius, I'm telling you.
2) The band "Morningwood" has reached mainstream status to the degree that commercials on network TV stations casually announce "Morningwood!" as some wussy pop song plays in the background. I have a feeling that there are a lot of very stuffy shirts running the FCC if they're not OK with the Rolling Stones singing their damn everyone-in-the-fucking-US-already-knows-them lyrics but are OK with proclaiming, "MORNINGWOOD!" during commercials that reach 10s of millions of people...
3) From now on, when I refer to reefer, I'm going to call it 'the Profound,' since everything said to you while on it is profound. I'm gonna reach Snoop Dogg legend status with this one. Ima be cited in rap music videos and referenced in college stoner movies.
4) Does 'Diddy' actually appeal to anyone? Is Pepsi crazy or genius for making this guy the front man for the company? Maybe I'm so out of touch with the company's target audience that I'm totally wrong on this one, but doesn't everyone think that this guy sucks? And...why would you hire Carson Daly? Is Pepsi trying NOT to sell its products? Why in God's name are these the two people they are paying? (Diddy, if you read, please don't kill me. Seriously, I'm sorry, I never met you, just...don't hurt me. Carson, whatever, bring it on).
5) Chai tea. Ain't nuthin' wrong with that.
2) The band "Morningwood" has reached mainstream status to the degree that commercials on network TV stations casually announce "Morningwood!" as some wussy pop song plays in the background. I have a feeling that there are a lot of very stuffy shirts running the FCC if they're not OK with the Rolling Stones singing their damn everyone-in-the-fucking-US-already-knows-them lyrics but are OK with proclaiming, "MORNINGWOOD!" during commercials that reach 10s of millions of people...
3) From now on, when I refer to reefer, I'm going to call it 'the Profound,' since everything said to you while on it is profound. I'm gonna reach Snoop Dogg legend status with this one. Ima be cited in rap music videos and referenced in college stoner movies.
4) Does 'Diddy' actually appeal to anyone? Is Pepsi crazy or genius for making this guy the front man for the company? Maybe I'm so out of touch with the company's target audience that I'm totally wrong on this one, but doesn't everyone think that this guy sucks? And...why would you hire Carson Daly? Is Pepsi trying NOT to sell its products? Why in God's name are these the two people they are paying? (Diddy, if you read, please don't kill me. Seriously, I'm sorry, I never met you, just...don't hurt me. Carson, whatever, bring it on).
5) Chai tea. Ain't nuthin' wrong with that.
Unintentional Comedy at the Grammys and a bad NBA Draft
Wow...watching Joan Rivers interview young rappers on the Red Carpet is HILARIOUS. In the last five minutes, she has incorrectly introduced all three rappers who have joined her. Her producers (who obviously don't know who is who either) keep handing her the incorrect card and she keeps figuring out that the rapper is not the person she thinks he is WAY too late...She just introduced the last guy, a very drunk, large, 20-something black man, as "Keane," the name of the new British rock band up for "Best New Artists." She called him "Keane" three times before he figured out she didn't know who he was, and, when Rivers finally figured out she had the wrong card, her attempt at passing it off as a joke was horribly awkward. The interview ended with the rapper pretending to be good buds with Rivers and kissing her on the cheek. YES! You just took one in the jugular!
For NBA fans out there, the 2000 NBA Draft has to the best worst draft of all time. Check out this first round:
FIRST-ROUND SELECTIONS
1. New Jersey Nets
PF Kenyon Martin, Cincinnati
2. Vancouver Grizzlies
PF Stromile Swift, LSU
3. L.A. Clippers
SF Darius Miles, East St. Louis, Ill.
4. Chicago Bulls
PF Marcus Fizer, Iowa State
5. Orlando Magic
SF Mike Miller, Florida
6. Atlanta Hawks
SG DerMarr Johnson, Cincinnati
7. Chicago Bulls
C Chris Mihm, Texas
Traded to Cleveland
8. Cleveland Cavaliers
PG Jamal Crawford, Michigan
Traded to Chicago
9. Houston Rockets
C Joel Pryzbilla, Minnesota
Traded to Milwaukee
10. Orlando Magic
PG Keyon Dooling, Missouri
Traded to Los Angeles Clippers
11. Boston Celtics
PF Jerome Moiso, UCLA
12. Dallas Mavericks
PF Etan Thomas, Syracuse
13. Orlando Magic
SG C. Alexander, Fresno State
Traded to Dallas
14. Detroit Pistons
PG Mateen Cleaves, Michigan State
15. Milwaukee Bucks
C Jason Collier, Georgia Tech
Traded to Houston
16. Sacramento Kings
SF Hidayet Turkoglu, Turkey
17. Seattle SuperSonics
SF Desmond Mason, Okla. State
18. L.A. Clippers
SG Quentin Richardson, DePaul
19. Charlotte Hornets
PF Jamaal Magloire, Kentucky
20. Philadelphia 76ers
PG Speedy Claxton, Hofstra
21. Toronto Raptors
SF Morris Peterson, Michigan State
22. New York Knicks
SF Donnell Harvey, Florida
Traded to Dallas
23. Utah Jazz
SG DeShawn Stevenson, Wash. Union (Calif.) HS
24. Chicago Bulls
C Dalibor Bagaric, Croatia
25. Phoenix Suns
C Iakovos Tsakalidis, Greece
26. Denver Nuggets
C Mamadou N'Diaye, Auburn
27. Indiana Pacers
C Primoz Brezec, Slovenia
28. Portland Trail Blazers
PG Erick Barkley, St. John's
29. L.A. Lakers
PF, Mark Madsen, Stanford
Other than Kenyon Martin, who is not an All-Star anymore, there are ZERO good players in that first round...and, beside Michael Redd, the second round is no better...
30 Clippers Marko Jaric G N/A
31 Mavericks Dan Langhi F Vanderbilt
(from Chicago)
Rights traded to Houston for draft rights to Eduardo Najera and a future second-round draft pick
32 Bulls A.J. Guyton G Indiana
(from Golden State)
33 Bulls Jake Voskuhl C Connecticut
(from Vancouver via Houston)
34 Bulls Khalid El-Amin G Connecticut
(from Atlanta)
35 Wizards Mike Smith F Louisiana-Monroe
36 Nets Soumaila Samake C N/A
37 Heat Eddie House G Arizona State
(from Cleveland via Denver)
38 Rockets Eduardo Najera F Oklahoma
Rights traded, along with a future second-round draft pick, to Dallas for Dan Langhi
39 Knicks Lavor Postell G St. John's
(from Celtics)
40 Hawks Hanno Mottola F Utah
(from Denver)
41 Spurs Chris Carrawell G Duke
(from Orlando)
42 Supersonics Olumide Oyedeji F N/A
(from Orlando)
43 Bucks Michael Redd G Ohio State
44 Pistons Brian Cardinal F Purdue
45 Kings Jabari Smith C Louisiana State
46 Raptors DeeAndre Hulett G College of the Sequoias (CA)
47 Supersonics Josip Sesar G N/A
Rights traded to Boston for two future second-round draft picks
48 76ers Mark Karcher G Temple
49 Bucks Jason Hart G Syracuse
(from Charlotte)
50 Jazz Kaniel Dickens F Idaho
(from New York)
51 Timberwolves Igor Rakocevic G N/A
52 Heat Ernest Brown C Indian Hill CC
53 Nuggets Dan McClintock C Northern Arizona
(from Phoenix)
54 Spurs Cory Hightower G Indian Hill CC
Rights traded to Los Angeles Lakers for two future second-round draft picks
55 Warriors Chris Porter F Auburn
(from Utah)
56 Pacers Jaquay Walls G Colorado
57 Hawks Scoonie Penn G Ohio State
58 Mavericks Pete Mickeal F Cincinnati
Bill Simmons, after you read this, give me a shout-out. This draft sucks at a legendary level. Amazingly bad.
For NBA fans out there, the 2000 NBA Draft has to the best worst draft of all time. Check out this first round:
FIRST-ROUND SELECTIONS
1. New Jersey Nets
PF Kenyon Martin, Cincinnati
2. Vancouver Grizzlies
PF Stromile Swift, LSU
3. L.A. Clippers
SF Darius Miles, East St. Louis, Ill.
4. Chicago Bulls
PF Marcus Fizer, Iowa State
5. Orlando Magic
SF Mike Miller, Florida
6. Atlanta Hawks
SG DerMarr Johnson, Cincinnati
7. Chicago Bulls
C Chris Mihm, Texas
Traded to Cleveland
8. Cleveland Cavaliers
PG Jamal Crawford, Michigan
Traded to Chicago
9. Houston Rockets
C Joel Pryzbilla, Minnesota
Traded to Milwaukee
10. Orlando Magic
PG Keyon Dooling, Missouri
Traded to Los Angeles Clippers
11. Boston Celtics
PF Jerome Moiso, UCLA
12. Dallas Mavericks
PF Etan Thomas, Syracuse
13. Orlando Magic
SG C. Alexander, Fresno State
Traded to Dallas
14. Detroit Pistons
PG Mateen Cleaves, Michigan State
15. Milwaukee Bucks
C Jason Collier, Georgia Tech
Traded to Houston
16. Sacramento Kings
SF Hidayet Turkoglu, Turkey
17. Seattle SuperSonics
SF Desmond Mason, Okla. State
18. L.A. Clippers
SG Quentin Richardson, DePaul
19. Charlotte Hornets
PF Jamaal Magloire, Kentucky
20. Philadelphia 76ers
PG Speedy Claxton, Hofstra
21. Toronto Raptors
SF Morris Peterson, Michigan State
22. New York Knicks
SF Donnell Harvey, Florida
Traded to Dallas
23. Utah Jazz
SG DeShawn Stevenson, Wash. Union (Calif.) HS
24. Chicago Bulls
C Dalibor Bagaric, Croatia
25. Phoenix Suns
C Iakovos Tsakalidis, Greece
26. Denver Nuggets
C Mamadou N'Diaye, Auburn
27. Indiana Pacers
C Primoz Brezec, Slovenia
28. Portland Trail Blazers
PG Erick Barkley, St. John's
29. L.A. Lakers
PF, Mark Madsen, Stanford
Other than Kenyon Martin, who is not an All-Star anymore, there are ZERO good players in that first round...and, beside Michael Redd, the second round is no better...
30 Clippers Marko Jaric G N/A
31 Mavericks Dan Langhi F Vanderbilt
(from Chicago)
Rights traded to Houston for draft rights to Eduardo Najera and a future second-round draft pick
32 Bulls A.J. Guyton G Indiana
(from Golden State)
33 Bulls Jake Voskuhl C Connecticut
(from Vancouver via Houston)
34 Bulls Khalid El-Amin G Connecticut
(from Atlanta)
35 Wizards Mike Smith F Louisiana-Monroe
36 Nets Soumaila Samake C N/A
37 Heat Eddie House G Arizona State
(from Cleveland via Denver)
38 Rockets Eduardo Najera F Oklahoma
Rights traded, along with a future second-round draft pick, to Dallas for Dan Langhi
39 Knicks Lavor Postell G St. John's
(from Celtics)
40 Hawks Hanno Mottola F Utah
(from Denver)
41 Spurs Chris Carrawell G Duke
(from Orlando)
42 Supersonics Olumide Oyedeji F N/A
(from Orlando)
43 Bucks Michael Redd G Ohio State
44 Pistons Brian Cardinal F Purdue
45 Kings Jabari Smith C Louisiana State
46 Raptors DeeAndre Hulett G College of the Sequoias (CA)
47 Supersonics Josip Sesar G N/A
Rights traded to Boston for two future second-round draft picks
48 76ers Mark Karcher G Temple
49 Bucks Jason Hart G Syracuse
(from Charlotte)
50 Jazz Kaniel Dickens F Idaho
(from New York)
51 Timberwolves Igor Rakocevic G N/A
52 Heat Ernest Brown C Indian Hill CC
53 Nuggets Dan McClintock C Northern Arizona
(from Phoenix)
54 Spurs Cory Hightower G Indian Hill CC
Rights traded to Los Angeles Lakers for two future second-round draft picks
55 Warriors Chris Porter F Auburn
(from Utah)
56 Pacers Jaquay Walls G Colorado
57 Hawks Scoonie Penn G Ohio State
58 Mavericks Pete Mickeal F Cincinnati
Bill Simmons, after you read this, give me a shout-out. This draft sucks at a legendary level. Amazingly bad.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Some Top 5 Lists
I've learned a lot in the past couple years, sometimes when sober.
One of the things I've learned is that everyone likes a good list, and most people will settle for a bad list.
So, here's a few [choose your own adjective] lists from my brain to yours. I'll do "Top 5s" and count down to increase the drama.
Top 5 Fantasy Jobs:
5. Crooner who occasionally is seen wearing bowler hat
4. Food critic with fast metabolism
3. Late Night talk show host
2. Jazz Pianist
1. Game show host
Top 5 TV Theme Songs:
5. Roseanne
4. What's Happening!!
3. The Critic
2. The Greatest American Hero
1. Press Your Luck
Top 5 WWF Wrestlers:
5. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
4. George 'The Animal' Steele
3. Mr. Perfect (Curt Henning)
2. Ted Dibiase
1. Koko B. Ware
Top 5 Annual Events I Look Forward to Each Year:
5. Tu B'Shevat (that's a joke...please, no comments from Orthodox Jews)
4. The Oscars
3. NFL Draft
2. March Madness
1. Fantasy Baseball Draft
One of the things I've learned is that everyone likes a good list, and most people will settle for a bad list.
So, here's a few [choose your own adjective] lists from my brain to yours. I'll do "Top 5s" and count down to increase the drama.
Top 5 Fantasy Jobs:
5. Crooner who occasionally is seen wearing bowler hat
4. Food critic with fast metabolism
3. Late Night talk show host
2. Jazz Pianist
1. Game show host
Top 5 TV Theme Songs:
5. Roseanne
4. What's Happening!!
3. The Critic
2. The Greatest American Hero
1. Press Your Luck
Top 5 WWF Wrestlers:
5. Hacksaw Jim Duggan
4. George 'The Animal' Steele
3. Mr. Perfect (Curt Henning)
2. Ted Dibiase
1. Koko B. Ware
Top 5 Annual Events I Look Forward to Each Year:
5. Tu B'Shevat (that's a joke...please, no comments from Orthodox Jews)
4. The Oscars
3. NFL Draft
2. March Madness
1. Fantasy Baseball Draft
Friday, February 03, 2006
In Mexico, how do they distinguish LSATS from El SATs?
'cause, that'd be confusing. Maybe it's EL LSATs. But that would be pronounced "yaysats", with the double-l thing...
Kaplan says not to study the day before the LSATS. I believe I've studied eight hours today. Kaplan also says to do all your homework. I've done virtually none. So, I've got that going for me...
Anyway, I'm about to go to sleep, but I'm definitely looking forward to having this done, unless, of course, I suck tomorrow, in which case my joy of finishing would quickly turn into self-pity and doubt. Man, the number of commas in that last sentence will probably be higher than my score tomorrow...that's a qualified predicition, which is a type of conclusion, often signaled by keywords such as "therefore" and "hence."
Good luck, Shermdude.
Kaplan says not to study the day before the LSATS. I believe I've studied eight hours today. Kaplan also says to do all your homework. I've done virtually none. So, I've got that going for me...
Anyway, I'm about to go to sleep, but I'm definitely looking forward to having this done, unless, of course, I suck tomorrow, in which case my joy of finishing would quickly turn into self-pity and doubt. Man, the number of commas in that last sentence will probably be higher than my score tomorrow...that's a qualified predicition, which is a type of conclusion, often signaled by keywords such as "therefore" and "hence."
Good luck, Shermdude.
