March to the Sea

On July 6, I wrote...

'If you found this blog by searching for Tony Little, please do not comment. That makes me queazy.'

Yesterday, someone found my blog by searching for 'Tony Little Geico Commercial.'

I still infrequently swear when I'm upset...I rarely say "Fuck!" when I drop something or "Fuck you!" if I'm mad at someone.

But, for comedic purposes, one must swear early and often. Unless you're Family Guy. But He does say "Boobs" more than the average person. I capitalized 'He' because Family Guy is my god. Boobs is a funny word. I like things you don't have to think about. That's a Seinfeld reference--another show that's funny without having the luxury of cursing. So, using what I've learned from work about the importance of sample size, I'd say I can formally conclude that my hypothesis was incorrect...one does not need to curse to be funny.

Actually, they start Family Guy by saying "this episode contains some course language." So, my hypothesis is back on. Course language is funny. And that's why I swear. By the moon, and the stars, and the sun. I'll love you with every beat of my heart.

Everyone swears these days, so I'm a bit surprised our same "swear" words pack a comedic punch and have not yet been totally coopted. Of course, the envelope is constantly being pushed...and I truly only think it's a matter of time before "shit" enters the network TV vernacular. We're certainly moving closer.

I wonder if we will need to invent more "truly dirty" words into our language so that comedy doesn't get stale. If you want to shock, other than "cunt" or a handful of racial/ethnic/gender insults, our language has become limited. We used to have all those words plus 100 more...just watch an 80s comedy for a reminder. The thought of saying "penis" on a sitcom in the 80s was absurd.

Perhaps there will be a backlash by conservative groups against Family Guy which will prevent us from moving too far in the direction we're going...but I honestly don't think so..."bitch" is commonplace now and we ain't going back.

I really hope we discover some other words soon. And a good swear word needs to have a mean sound to it too. Maybe we can steal some German words. Anyone out there speak German? Can you recommend some especially nasty sounding ones?

I must admit, despite the fact that Charlie Steiner once pointed at me during a Harvard/Yale football game and yelled to those in earshot, "Can somebody shut that kid up?", Mr. Steiner struck gold with his great Sportscenter commercial line...to quote Ned Ryerson from Groundhog Day, it was a doooozzziee!

I must admit I enjoy cursing without the fear of being edited. It's a lot better than the old March to the Sea, where I focused most of my rage against Brenda Lee. Now, I can express my rage against many more people--Jews, Blacks...whatever I feel like! It's great! I can finally relate with Bob Saget's stand-up routine. Fuck! Haha! I swore and the word remained on the page!

I must admit it's late and while I had high hopes for this blog post, it fizzled quickly. In fact, it didn't even begin. I was going to write about all the White House Congressmen I've been sleeping with. Sorry Ben and Theresa. And perhaps Jeremy, since I assume he's constantly keeping tabs on 500-700 people per day.

I must admit this blog is beginning to suck. I will try to do much better next time.

I must admit that last statement is painfully dishonest.

My title references that Tony Little Geico Commercial, not the Rob Schneider line in The Waterboy. I just wanted to give Tony Little some sugar. My use of 'sugar' there was an allusion to the Sports Babe, who used to have a syndicated sports radio show in the Boston area. Most of her conversations went as follows:

Sports Babe: Dallas, come at me. (Sound effect, often 'Hoo-ahh!' from Scent of a Woman).
Redneck in Dallas (thick Southern accent): What up, Babe! Love yur show!
SB: (Repeats Hoo-ahh!). Gimme some sugar Dallas. What's on your mind?
Dallas: How you think Michael Irvin gonna play this week?
SB: Irvin's a coke addict. Little Rock, gimme some love.
Redneck in Little Rock: How's Jeff Gordon gonna do at...

I miss the Sports Babe. She weighed over 400 pounds, no joke. I think she's still alive, but she's dead to me. Big Ups, Sports Babe.

If you found this blog by searching for the Sports Babe, please leave me a comment. I'd like to meet you. Gimme some love. Hoo-ahh!

If you found this blog by searching for Tony Little, please do not comment. That makes me queazy.

You all should watch this show produced by Ashton Kutcher...Babes and Geeks, or whatever it's called...there's this guy Richard on the show who is, bar none, the most riviting reality persona this side of that Boston guy on Average Joe 2 who got dumped by the model in the final episode. Richard is the most nebeshy, wildly uncool Jewish guy I've ever seen on TV...he reminds me of the Harvard Crimson. And he's in the finals, paired up with a model, for 250,000 dollars...I think the finale may have aired today, but if can catch any reruns of this show ('Beauty and the Geek', I just found out, is the name of it), it's really, really good. It's like Average Joe, but Jewed up.

If you found this blog by searching for Ashton Kutcher, please leave me a comment. I'd like to meet you. 'Cause you're probably a 14-year old girl, and I need to diversify my fan base beyond the four of you who currently read this. And by "diversify my fan base," I mean "have sex with 14-year old girls." Don't let that last comment scare you, 14-year old girls, I'm only kidding. If you're unattractive, I won't sleep with you.