Saturday, January 28, 2006
Peeling the Onion
The Onion has a famous article out there about how ridiculous the razor industry has gotten about adding blades to their razors. I have thought it was absurd from the getgo...10 blades! 26 blades!
I have used the Mach 3 (and experimented with the Turbo) for four years now. Before the Mach 3, I used a regular Gillette razor. It was aight. Then I tried the Mach 3 and it was better--closer shave, fewer nicks, etc. However, it still wasn't great. After using it for a couple years, I got into a conversation with some college roommates about razors...we brought up the Mach 3. My roommates raved about it: Best razor ever. Closest shave ever. I kinda shrugged off the discussion, adding at one point that while I used it, I didn't think it was that great. My shaves were never as close as I thought they could be.
My roommates laughed at me, I remember. They told me it was me, not the razor. They told me I wasn't shaving against the grain, or that I wasnt replaing the blades as often as I should be...I thought they were probably right. Three blades should be plenty for a close shave. And all my roommates seemed to think the Mach 3 (especially the Turbo) was amazing. So, I figured it was me (or my stupid rough face), and I stuck with the Mach without question.
Two weeks ago, I took a trip to Super Happy Funland (Walmart) to pick up some contact lense solution. While walking to the small province where the solution is kept, I passed by a display for the Schick Quattro. In the past, I had scoffed at the razor blade battle. But, looking around to make sure no one was watching, I grabbed a Quattro and went on my way.
Back at the ranch, I opened up the razor and tried it out. The results sent a shockwave up my spine rivaled only by the feeling that rattled my view of the world when Jean Van de Velde blew the British Open on the 18th in 1999 (people who say 9/11 was shocking must not have been watching the events of Carnoustie that day).
The Quattro is my new Allah. Finally, I got the shave that I KNEW I could accomplish. I knew it was within my reach, all these years--I just didn't know the fourth blade would actually make a difference. Just goes to show you--sometimes you're too quick to judge. I'm gonna rethink the whole way I live now. No more quick judgments about people. I'm gonna give everything a chance now--maybe two chances! I'm a changed man.
Now get the fuck away from me, assholes.
I have used the Mach 3 (and experimented with the Turbo) for four years now. Before the Mach 3, I used a regular Gillette razor. It was aight. Then I tried the Mach 3 and it was better--closer shave, fewer nicks, etc. However, it still wasn't great. After using it for a couple years, I got into a conversation with some college roommates about razors...we brought up the Mach 3. My roommates raved about it: Best razor ever. Closest shave ever. I kinda shrugged off the discussion, adding at one point that while I used it, I didn't think it was that great. My shaves were never as close as I thought they could be.
My roommates laughed at me, I remember. They told me it was me, not the razor. They told me I wasn't shaving against the grain, or that I wasnt replaing the blades as often as I should be...I thought they were probably right. Three blades should be plenty for a close shave. And all my roommates seemed to think the Mach 3 (especially the Turbo) was amazing. So, I figured it was me (or my stupid rough face), and I stuck with the Mach without question.
Two weeks ago, I took a trip to Super Happy Funland (Walmart) to pick up some contact lense solution. While walking to the small province where the solution is kept, I passed by a display for the Schick Quattro. In the past, I had scoffed at the razor blade battle. But, looking around to make sure no one was watching, I grabbed a Quattro and went on my way.
Back at the ranch, I opened up the razor and tried it out. The results sent a shockwave up my spine rivaled only by the feeling that rattled my view of the world when Jean Van de Velde blew the British Open on the 18th in 1999 (people who say 9/11 was shocking must not have been watching the events of Carnoustie that day).
The Quattro is my new Allah. Finally, I got the shave that I KNEW I could accomplish. I knew it was within my reach, all these years--I just didn't know the fourth blade would actually make a difference. Just goes to show you--sometimes you're too quick to judge. I'm gonna rethink the whole way I live now. No more quick judgments about people. I'm gonna give everything a chance now--maybe two chances! I'm a changed man.
Now get the fuck away from me, assholes.
