March to the Sea

...of four days...Bill Simmons style.

Day 1
00:00:00 of gambling: Walk into my casino of choice...the Wynn. Gotta gamble here.

00:00:10: Realize this casino is way too classy for me. Tables too expensive. Both Bing and I are looking for 15 dollar minimums, not 25. We leave. But what an awesome casino. Jazz clubs, really comfortable seats...and it makes every other casino on the strip look sooo tiny--even the Bellagio. The Wynn is flat out enormous. An absolute behemoth. Extremely impressive.

00:00:25: Start my first game...roulette at Treasure Island. I play my typical strategy...a very small range of numbers, all next to each other on the wheel...and that's it. I play three numbers only, based on numbers that have hit in the last twenty spins. The croupier must stay the same throughout my play. The logic is that some ranges of the wheel are slightly more likely to hit than others...given a consistent role. The theory may be bullshit...but I win 700 dollars in an hour, going up as high as 950. I must say, I've won quite a bit at roulette using this strategy...much more than I've lost. I understand it's mostly luck, but everytime I win, I feel like I know what I'm doing. I even get a small crowd cheering me as I place 15 dollars on three numbers only and hit twice in five spins. The dealer, Mario, a nice man from Croatia, says the same thing to me both times I win 525 dollars..."Christmas come early for you!"...I tip Mario 65 dollars after I fall to 700 profit and leave the table. I'm exhausted (it's 5 am my time, 2 am Vegas time) and go to bed.

Score: Up 700, one hour of gambling

Day 2 and 3
El Disastre. I knew it was coming. I lose 300 in poker the next day after going to a club...I'm extremely tired and play terribly, losing 200 on a hand where I go all in on a set of queens after the flop and lose to a flush (which the guy also flopped...three clubs on the board). I then lose 100 in blackjack that night and 300 more in blackjack the next night. I win 225 in poker before I leave on Day Three, staying up 225 for the trip (I also lost 100 in roulette--won 80 and lost 180 in my two tries) ...and I'm only up about 75 after factoring in dinners, buying drinks, other activities, etc.).

Day 4, 6:30 AM (sorry for foregoing the timestamp thing...not valuable anymore):
Early in the morning before catching my flight...Bing drops me off at the casinos to gamble a bit before getting my flight. I walk around a bit, lose 100 in blackjack and drop 300 in poker after getting somewhat unlucky and not playing my best. I'm now down 175 for the trip...I've managed to lose nearly 1000 dollars in 2+ days. Unreal. I stumble about from casino to casino, thinking about how I've done this. I remember the good times when I was up 700--the memories run in my mind in slow motion...like Adam Sandler's dreams in Happy Gilmore. I jump up and down with my grandmother, tossing gold coins. Actually, I was remembering jumping up and down with the actress who plays Sandler's grandmother in the movie. It was glorious. Good times.

Day 4, 9:00 AM:
Flight leaves at 10:00 AM. I've got one hour to make something happen. I have one more 100 dollar bill in my wallet. I know I need 80 dollars to pay for parking once I arrive in Philly. No matter...I find a roulette wheel that jumps out at me immediately at the New York New York casino. The numbers are much bigger than normal, as are the slots on the wheel for the ball to fall in (in simpler terms, the wheel, itself, is larger than normal roulette wheels). I think, "with spaces so big, the ball has so much room to land in the numbers I choose...how can I lose?!"

I watch the croupier for a bit and notice he's hitting in the 8/10/26 zone...he's hit in this region four of seven spins. I say to myself, if he hits one of those three numbers again, I'm in for my last 100. He hits 29. I curse myself for not having bet that hand (I was really close, but there were many people at the table and I couldn't get in) and go in.

On the next six spins, I hit a number four times. Unbelievable. I'm up 895 dollars in 20 minutes. I'm back up for the trip. This is insane. 20 minutes ago, I was thinking "this is why people say gambling is bad." Now I'm thinking, "when do I fly back to Vegas?"...

I'm making a ton of noise, especially on my fourth hit. I can;t believe it...I'm the only one winning at the table. I'm tipping Charlie like crazy, yelling "You're a good man, Charlie Brown!" over and over again...which is particuarly funny because Charlie is black and I don't know his last name. I realize this and stop saying it.

The pit boss walks over and sees that I have my luggage with me, as I'm about to go to the airport. He tells me I must check in my bags or leave the casino. I notice that the woman next to me also has her bag with her. I say, "Well, these people have their bags with them..." and am bestowed with the repeated response, "Sir, you need to check in your bags or leave the casino." I tell the pit boss I will leave after the next hand. The pit boss, out loud, announces to all, "This will be the gentleman's last hand." I lose, betting 25 dollars on 8, 10 and 26 each. I walk away from the table having won 720 dollars in a half hour.

FINAL SCORE:
First and last hours gambling: Up 1420 dollars
Everything in between: Down a tad less than 1000 dollars.

Verdict: Gambling is the finest sport on earth. All hail Gamblor.